1.23.2011

Awkward

This is how I feel right now. I found these nerd glasses in the playroom this morning and had a little fun with them. I'm home from church with a sick-ish child - he just has a runny nose, but you know how it is. Just keeping our germs to ourselves. But back to the picture. Lately I have been feeling so awkward...I have said things that sound crazy and written things on my blog that don't belong there...it's like I am revisiting a part of me that I have forgotten about - the insecure, immature part of me that I thought was gone. The part that speaks without thinking. I said something to someone that, in my mind, would equate to telling a guy you want to marry him on the second date. Have you ever done that? It was so out of character for me that I can't even get over myself. And maybe that's the point...or the problem. Consumption with self. A few days ago I posted the song "Like Incense/Sometimes By Step," and pointed out the line that speaks to me most:

"Because you gladly lean to lead the humble, I shall gladly kneel to leave my pride"

If I really mean that then maybe what needs to be purged is the need to feel respected, understood, accepted...to be willing to put aside my reputation and concern myself with His. And clearly I'm not quite there yet...but I want to be.

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