As the swirl of activity has died down over the last couple of days, I have found that my awareness of my emotions has only increased. I keep looking for something else to do, some other way to serve, some way to keep busy. But I know that what I need to do is be still. Or as still as I can be and carry out my responsibilities (and, obviously, still serve). It makes me wonder how much of the busy-ness of our lives, in general, serves to avoid feeling something or dealing with problems and hurts. We are not helped by not feeling the feelings, whatever they are. I tend to stuff much of what I feel, but there's no stuffing this grief.
Understand this, though: my faith is not shaken. I trust God as much today as I did a month ago, and maybe more than I did a year ago. He is good. At all times. As I blog through this, however, I won't be fake. I don't do fake. So, when I say God is good, I really believe it. When I say I'd like to crawl in bed and pull the covers over my head, that's true, too. Those two things can coexist and I think it's okay. For now. If I'm still saying that in two years, we can talk :)