This afternoon I was in the car and decided to listen to my iPod for the first time in ages. I was going to put it on shuffle and just see what popped up, but I saw that there was something by Alanis Morissette on there. I wondered what on earth it was and it turned out to be "You Learn." I listened to it and immediately was taken back to another time in my life.
You need to understand my thing with music. I'm not musical, exactly, but I love music and my entire life has a soundtrack. Every season has music associated with it, and when I hear the songs I remember exactly what was happening in my life, and what I was feeling, when it was popular.
Now don't hate because I am having a moment with Alanis...yes she was super angsty and angry, but whatever. The lyrics that jumped out at me were these:
"You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn
You grieve you learn
You choke you learn
You laugh you learn
You choose you learn
You pray you learn
You ask you learn
You live you learn"
This song spoke to me at a time when I found myself in a life-altering circumstance. I had made some choices that were going to forever change my life. There was anxiety and uncertainty; I had confided in a friend who betrayed my confidence; I felt judging eyes on me constantly; I was the subject of much gossip; I felt lonely and abandoned most of the time.
In the midst of all of that I was driving down Eastdale Road South, in Montgomery, and this song was on the radio. Listening to the words, I felt like God came to me and assured me that everything was going to be okay, even though I had wandered pretty far away fom Him. Yes, through an Alanis Morissette song, of all things,, I received the peace and confidence I needed to keep walking forward.
"You live, you learn...you choose, you learn." So I didn't do things as I should have...let's move forward. Learn from it. Grow from it. "You're going to be okay." I really believed it.
Listening to it again today I realized how much it's true that just about everything of value that I have on the inside has come through difficulty. He has met me every time. Every single time. He has not failed me. He has corrected my course, when needed; He has healed my heart; He has provided; He has comforted.
I found myself totally in awe of how He does that. And totally thankful. I don't like difficulties and hard days, but when He takes something hard and makes it beautiful, I don't see it the same way anymore. I'm learning who He is and who I am, through every difficulty that comes along.
I've lived, I've chosen, I've grieved, I've laughed, I've cried, I've lost...and I've learned. I've learned that if I am following Him, then He takes messes and brings beauty. He takes mourning and turns it into dancing. He takes sadness and turns it into joy.
That's who He is. It's what He does.