Confession Time

They say confession is good for the soul, and I have found that to be the case. In light of that, there are a few things I would like to share.

First, at the beginning of this year I wrote a post about how I needed to get healthy, by changing my diet, drinking more water and exercising. Instead of doing any of that, I have actually gone in the opposite direction, consuming more junk, less water and barely exercising - outside of the everyday chasing and lifting of heavy children. Apparently that doesn't count for much.

In fact, I have generally not taken good care of myself at all. I frequently miss meals, and live on coffee. While it isn't politically correct to admit this, I can't really afford to miss meals, because while some struggle to lose weight, I have always struggled to keep my weight up to a healthy level. So, I need to work out some ways to have healthy snacks and lunches pre-made and easy to grab...and get back to the organic food aisle. I've consumed more Doritos this year alone than in my entire lifetime, I bet. Unfortunately, this is going to require planning. Not my strength.

Second, I also wrote a post about needing to get some things around my home in order. I took a break from leading small groups, so that later I could be more free to serve. Guess what...I am still in the same boat! Except now I don't just have an awareness that things need attention, I am completely overwhelmed. It's ridiculous, really, because people have been married, raising kids and caring for homes for centuries. It can't be that hard.

So, I have dropped everything again, because I have realized that I am not in any position to do ministry. If I am not physically and emotionally healthy, and if my home, and the relationships within it, aren't thriving, then I have nothing to offer. [Nobody's going anywhere or anything...we just need to work on some attitudes and discipline issues with the little kids and Dave and I need to make sure we are carving out time for ourselves. When you have four kids, it gets a little challenging ;)]

Here's one on another topic altogether. I am making it my goal to become a more encouraging person. A friend who I love dearly once told me that I am a "challenging" friend, and she was right to say it. I don't know exactly what all she meant, but I do know that I can be hard to love and I say things at times that may not need to be said at all, or that could stand a little "sugar-coating." The Bible talks about iron sharpening iron, and it does take sandpaper to wear down our rough edges, but honestly, I don't want to be somebody's sandpaper friend. When you are thinking about who you want call to come over, do you call your challenging friend or your encouraging one? That's a no-brainer. Not that there are never times to say hard things, but I don't want that to be what characterizes me.

Finally, for all the talk I do about caring for the poor and needy, I don't actually do a whole lot. I don't do nothing, but I don't think I do enough either. I feel a lot of emotion about all the need, and I can cry in a heartbeat just thinking about it, but what good is that? The danger of knowing all the right scriptures, and feeling all those feelings, is that I might end up deceiving myself.

The book of James talks about not just being a hearer of the word, but a doer. Also, knowledge puffs up our egos, but love builds people up. If I don't pay attention, I might end up believing, because I feel sorry for people and can quote scripture about why we should be giving to the poor and oppressed, that I am fulfilling the law of God. Mercy has to be active or it isn't mercy...it's sympathy. Sympathy never filled a belly, kept a body warm or set a captive free.

There, I think that's enough for now. I'm glad that's out there.

1 comment:

  1. Consider what they tell you to do on an airplane: "Parents put on your air mask first; then you will be able to take care of the children." You take care of yourself, then everything else will fall in place. And everyone else will be better off for it. Except for emergencies of course. Mom


Thank you for reading! Now, what are you thinking?