The Both/And Dilemma

I woke up this morning in an extra foul, negative mood (yay for my kids, right?) It's partly due to the cyclical mental agitation I feel about every four weeks, and the other part is due to some things I read last night. Lately I have really been feeling my heart stirred by the passage of scripture in Matthew 25 and by James. To keep it as short as possible Jesus said that we, Christians, will be judged by Him, based on this: did we, or did we not, do for the least of His brothers and sisters. Did we feed the hungry, clothe the naked, give drink to the thirsty, shelter for the homeless, etc?

James said faith without works is dead. You have no faith at all, if it isn't demonstrated with good works. I can say I believe the lights will come on if I flip the switch, but if I sit in the darkness complaining about the darkness, you might wonder if I really believe the light switch works? God has been raising the level of compassion in me and honestly I have been pretty raw, and crying a lot, and I don't really like it. It's a new place for me, and I have no idea what to do with any of it. I don't know how to respond or where to go.

Jen Hatmaker, the author of Interrupted, which I am currently reading/devouring, suggested I read a particular book(I don't know her personally, but I had emailed her and she responded with a few pieces of advice). Well, I don't buy anything unfamiliar without reading reviews first, so I read reviews of the book. And they were all over the place. From what I read I can tell that I may not agree with the authors' approach or theology 100%, so it might be one of those I would have to pull out just what was useful to me (or learn something new...imagne that).

Several reviewers said that the authors made light of the necessity for salvation and boiled the entire gospel down to love for people in a general sense. That the authors are critical of people who believe in absolute truth. If that's true then I would take issue with that. Who knows what the authors really said, though, because people hear things through their own filters most of the time. It's really beside the point.

The point is that all that negativity rubbed off on me, I think, but also it raises the question of balance. I hate the question of balance. I am a very black and white kind of thinker, and so when something is both/and, instead of either/or, I have a problem. The truth is that God is love, AND He is justice. People need food and shelter and water, but they also need a cure for their eternal condition. So how do we do both? On one side we have people who just love, love, love and don't want to preach the gospel, just live it. On the other side we have people who just want to be preachy and tell people what to do, but don't feel compassion or try to get on their level or understand or give dignity to them. We have to mature to the place that we are both compassionate and truth telling...wise, but always motivated by love.

I was so excited for what God has been showing me, then I read all those crappy reviews and I started thinking, maybe I'm getting off track into some liberal make people feel better thing, that is trying to completely deconstruct everything about Christianity to water it down...to hide the Holy God thing, and spotlight the Loving God thing. But BOTH are valid and both are true...and your teaching is nothing if it isn't true. So, after realizing that all the negative things I read were clouding my perspective, and of course recognizing where in the month I am, I am back to this from Matthew 25:

“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

“Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

I will continue on this journey to see what it is God is doing in me and what He is calling me/us to, and trust Him to show me the balance in it all. People often debate about who we should be generous to, who is "my neighbor," will this person ever come to know Jesus and therefore is it good stewardship to give to him, will they waste it? On that issue I will stand on this quote from Interrupted (I LOVE this):

"He [Jesus] favors unmerited grace. To me, this is a wheat and weeds issue, and since that's not my call to make, I'll just err on the side of mercy and let Jesus sort it out at the harvest."

The end.

**I just got to a part in Interrupted where there is a quote from Mary DeMuth, that uses the very same language I used...the both/and versus the either/or. Funny. Should that be getting my attention? 1/8/2011

Interrupted

Short and sweet - I just started reading Interrupted, by Jen Hatmaker. With what God has already begun to stir in my heart, I think it's going to rock my world.

That's all.

The Aftermath

I am sitting in the playroom, listening to the kids bicker over crayons, paper and scissors (what's new?) and looking around at all the stuff. Christmas is always fun, but for me it creates a big conundrum. You like that word, don't you...conundrum...I don't get to use it every day, so I thought I would break it out ;). Anyway, back to the point - where to put all the new stuff and what to get rid of from the old stash of stuff. I have such a hard time getting rid of things. It probably goes back to the vivid memory I have of a white garbage bag full of my stuff that was cleaned out and thrown away while I wasn't looking. I only got to see the bag as it was going out the door. I could see through the bag and my Auburn basketball program with Charles Barkley's and Chuck Person's autographs was in there, and a pair of sunglasses I really liked...among other miscellaneous who-knows-what. I was a bit of a tomboy, so that basketball thing was important to me. It really was my own fault and I take full responsibility because I was a big slob. That was not an attempt at a guilt trip, Mom, should you read this ;)

Anyway, for whatever reason I can get emotionally attached to just about anything. Oh, here's something gross and I can't believe I am about to tell you this, but I once kept a piece of gum that some boy I liked chewed. I found it all dried up in a box several years ago among a bunch of other "keepsakes." How gross is that? And I don't even know whose it was.

I'm glad I got that out there. There's power in confession, right? I suppose I'm just going to have to put my big girl pants on and let some things go. The problem is they really do play with a lot of this stuff, so I don't know what stays and what goes. I think what I need, in addition to help from the Holy Spirit, is a few episodes of Hoarders. That's always motivating and I happen to have several on the DVR. I so don't want to be that person, and if I ever feel I relate to what they are saying in the slightest, I immediately start throwing things away. Yes, I think that will be step one, and I'll let you know how it goes. Then I'll have to re-tackle the organization system...whew!

Oh, and if you have any suggestions at all for making decisions about what goes, or how you organize things like trains/tracks, cars, art supplies, etc...do tell!

Christmas 2010

"Christmas 2010" - that's as much creativity as I've got right now ;). I'm sitting here, half watching Little Women, with my late night snack - my new favorite thing (unless doughnuts are an option):

Cheez-its dipped in peanut butter. Try it. It's a good thing.

We have had a fun few days, but now my brain is just tired. Christmas Eve we went to Montgomery for the day to see both Dave's and my family. We had lunch at his parents' house and hung out there for the afternoon. Dave's brother and grandparents were there as well. His Granny has Alzheimer's, and honestly she appears to be pretty advanced. It's a sad thing to see, but watching his Papaw take care of her was so sweet. He is very loving and patient with her, and is doing his best to keep her out of a nursing home, despite the fact that he is aging as well, and just can't do the things he used to. That's love, isn't it?

We had supper at my parents' house with my brother and his family, and opened gifts. That's what's known as controlled chaos. It could have been worse, but paper and boxes were flying and Baby Christopher loved it. He was all up in the middle of it. By the time all that was over I was beyond tired...I really didn't feel well for most of the day. My stomach was acting up as it does sometimes...and always at the most inconvenient times. Really, when is it convenient? The highlight of Christmas Eve was a conversation I had with [a certain someone who wishes to remain nameless] about who "Harold" is. Think Hark the Herald Angels Sing...it was priceless :)

Christmas morning I forced myself to get up early and bake a cake. Our new tradition is eating birthday cake for breakfast before opening gifts. It was so great and the kids loved it. They sang happy birthday to Jesus and then dove in to the cake.





We were all sitting down eating our cake, but after only a couple of bites we noticed Corban had disappeared. This is where he was - like father, like son. He didn't like being "yucky."

I don't know why that tickled me so much, but it did. He also was much more interested in eating ginger snaps than opening presents. He's like his daddy in many ways, I guess. We opened all the gifts and played all morning. We finally got the Wii Fit, so we did a lot of this

And I would like to announce that my center of gravity was as close to perfect as could be without being perfect 49%/51% - for whatever that's worth. Be proud ;) Corban so needed a boy "dollhouse" - he's been surrounded with My Little Pony stuff, and he's made do, but he got the Batman bat cave and seems to like it.

Riley got a small dollhouse and it has come in very handy. Even super heroes have to go potty!

Riley got this. It was really the only thing my little girl asked for

We pretty much stayed in our pajamas all day, until this happened

SNOW...IN AUBURN...ON CHRISTMAS DAY!!! What? It didn't really stick, but it was fun for the kids for a few minutes. They finally crashed for the night and all of them slept until after 9:00 this morning. I let them sleep late while I went on to church (Caeley stayed home with them). With the flu and strep that's going around I really didn't want to throw them into the germ festival, anyway. It continued to snow throughout the day, but never stuck. We were running low on diapers and were flat out of Cheez-its, which constitutes an emergency around here, so I made a run to Sams...and it was C.O.L.D. I don't know how people live with this kind of weather, and much worse, for months on end. I am a southern girl through and through, I guess. We finished out the day by doing "Who Hair" on us girls (see earlier post)...ain't we cute!

I'm sticking my tongue out...it's hard to tell. Felt the need to explain why I look funny! And please excuse Riley, she doesn't like to wear clothes ;)

Anyway, I hope you all had a merry Christmas! We sure did. Now I am off to dreamland...I'm really excited!

(Caeley begged me to post this pic...she wanted me to look happy so I went a little overboard)

White(ish) Christmas!

After the last two days of staying up late and getting up early, I am too tired for a detailed post. I have lots of pictures and fun to post tomorrow...BUT today was a fun day for all. To top it all off we ended it with this:



SNOW!! My first white Christmas and in Auburn, Alabama, of all places. We didn't get as much as they did in North AL, but I'm calling this Christmas white. How fun! We might get a tad bit more tomorrow - we'll see. I just realized that tomorrow is Sunday. That totally threw me for a loop - I feel like I've been in the twilight zone. But I am looking forward to it! Better get to bed - MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Thank You, Francis Chan

I read an article today about Francis Chan. Apparently he has decided to leave his church and move to an unnamed country in Asia to do ministry. This is the quote that I absolutely loved:

“Even in my own church I heard the words, ‘Francis Chan’ more than I heard the words, ‘Holy Spirit’,” CNN’s Belief Blog reports Chan as saying. “I think there has been too much emphasis on me. I want to be used by God, but I think we have this desire to make heroes out of people rather than following God and the Holy Spirit.”

Thank you, thank you, thank you! That's a heart for God right there. Call me stubborn but whenever a book, or the writer, becomes the "big thing", I tend to steer clear. No offense, but when "the Purpose Driven Life" was the big thing, it bugged the fire out of me. Same for "The Prayer of Jabez." I'm not exactly sure why, but it bothers me when something becomes a bandwagon that everybody wants to jump on. If I ever write a book, I guess I hope people would read it, and I guess if it was good stuff, people should want to read it. I think it has to do with what Francis said...too much emphasis on a person.

It took me several years to even do a Beth Moore study. I was thinking, "Y'all, you do know she's a person, right? She's not Jesus." Having said that, though, all it took was watching the first DVD of Breaking Free and I could see what the fuss was about, and I have loved her since. The woman is gifted. And so are these other people. The problem is when we fixate more on the messenger than the message, and it's so easy to do. We humans like something tangible, don't we? Just ask the Israelites about the golden calf that hopped out of their bonfire, or the ones that lived under King Saul and the (mostly) terrible kings that followed him...the ones they asked for because God alone wasn't enough for them.

Anyway, all that to say that I really respect what Francis Chan is doing. I can only imagine the work it would take me to stay humble in the spotlight.

You're Not Just One of Many

My friends that have done Beth Moore's studies will appreciate this. It's kind of a long story, but the details are essential to see God's sense of timing, and I think, His sense of humor, too. Having said that, let me emphasize that in no way do I take credit for the blessing my friend received, because I really didn't do anything.

I have been doing this Bible study at AUMC for 5 or 6 years and the husband of one of the ladies that leads it had prostate cancer 5 years ago. He went for some blood work recently, and it showed he had cancer cells somewhere in his body again, but from what I understand, they weren't for sure where. They decided to be proactive and went out to MD Anderson in Houston for radiation therapy for 7 weeks. They are staying in an apartment and drive over to the hospital 5 days a week for treatment.

So, a couple of weeks ago someone emailed out their address in Houston so we could send little notes or whatever...this is obviously a lonely time, away from family at Christmas, and it's a heavy atmosphere there, with all the sickness they see. I thought I would send a card, and then I thought, oh I should send some kind of treat or bake something. So on a Monday afternoon, I made those chocolate oatmeal no-bake cookies. After I made them, I looked at them and was like, these are totally going to fall apart in transit.

So, what now? I decided to get them a gift card to a restaurant in Houston. I get online and start searching, but how on earth would I know if it was really good or not? You can't tell from a website. Then, I said to myself, "Hey, Beth Moore lives in Houston...I'll ask her!" (I just think that's kind of funny, and it had to be a God-idea because I would normally think there ain't no way you're going get in touch with her). She has a blog and apparently she interacts with the people that reply to her posts sometimes. (Sidenote: this says a lot to me in and of itself. If you've ever been around a person in ministry who is "untouchable" or has kept themselves separated from "the people," you will agree). I had read that she was in the middle of writing a Bible study on James, so I didn't know how much gets on there right now, but I thought I'd try. She had just written a post about Deeper Still in Bham, which I was supposed to go to but ended up cancelling because of the LIFE retreat...two weekends in a row was too much for mommy to be gone, I thought. I wrote a reply that basically said, "I hate I missed it...I so wanted to go, yada, yada...And here's an odd question - don't know if you'll even see it, but maybe someone else can give me an answer. I've got friends at MD Anderson and I want to get them a gift card to a nice restaurant just to give them a diversion from what's going on. Any suggestions?" Within about 20 minutes Beth herself replied and gave me some good recommendations. Then she says, Listen, I might be going to MD Anderson tomorrow...are you're friends women and do they have any affiliation with ladies Bible study. I said YES! Are you thinking you might want to pop in and say hey - and I gave her my email address in case. I never heard back on Monday, but Tuesday morning I got an email from her assistant saying Beth Moore wants to visit my friends while she is there at the hospital. One year ago to the day Beth had surgery for what they thought might be stage 4 ovarian cancer...it turned out not to be, but she said she was forever marked by those 4 days at MD Anderson so she was going over on the one year anniversary to take cookies to people and just try and minister to whoever she could.

What perfect timing God has. Since Martha and Rick (those are the friends' names) aren't staying at the hospital, I had to call her and tell her about it, which made me sooo nervous because then what if it didn't work out? I gave Beth's assistant Martha's cell number so they could try and find each other. Long story a little shorter ;), they didn't actually meet in person...Beth had her daughter with her and they had to pick up her grandson from pre-school and Martha didn't have enough time to get to where Beth was. But they did talk on the phone, apparently for a while, and Beth prayed for Martha and Rick and she said it was one of those prayers that felt like God himself came down. Honestly, it might be an even bigger blessing that they didn't meet in person, because it probably would have been short, with the timing and all that.

For those of you who read this and don't know who Beth Moore is, or haven't done her studies...that's not even the point. This was something uniquely tailored to Martha's heart. I can't tell you how overwhelmed I was at God's faithfulness. Like Martha said, it just shows how even though we are but one of many, He takes notice of us. This happened a few weeks ago and I just haven't had time to post about it yet. Be encouraged - He notices you and even the most random ideas can be God-ideas ;)

Oh, and the other reason I haven't posted yet is that I haven't even bought the gift card yet :/ I got all caught up in that whole story and forgot to do the thing I set out to do. Better get on that this afternoon!