It's Not a Crutch

There are some days that, for whatever reason, I am reminded of my failures. My mommy failures, my wife failures and, very often, my friendship failures. There have just been times that I didn't show up and I wish I could go back and do it better. I'm sure the same thing happens to you. 

This can either be an opportunity to feel defeated or it can be an opportunity to be thankful that God is making me something better today than I was yesterday. Today, I'm choosing the latter. 

There are those who would call Christianity a crutch. And to that I'd say, no. That would imply that I even had a leg of my own to stand on. I say it's more like a wheelchair or even a stretcher, carrying me into the hospital. And I am so okay with that.

After all, that's what attracted Jesus to me in the first place. That's what makes Him pull up a chair at my table.

The things you like least about yourself do not cause Him to turn away, even if everyone else does. He is your safe place. 

When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?” On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”

A Mid-life Crisis Thingy

A couple of months ago I had this revelation. And I can't stop thinking about it. On March 6 of this year, I will turn 39. Which means I'm almost 40.

FORTY.

YEARS.

OLD.

How did this happen? I know I have some readers that are over 40, so I'm not saying 40 is old or anything. But it is........a milestone. Let's just say it that way. A milestone.

It's a milestone that is causing me some stress, not so much because of the number but because

What on earth am I doing with my life????

Will I ever grow up?

Am I too silly to be 40?

What should 40 look like?

Does that even matter?

Should I even care?

Do I have anything of value to offer the world?

When I "graduated" from elementary school I was predicted to become a comedian when I grew up. That was cute at the time, but as I've grown up I have both enjoyed and really struggled with that part of me. Who takes a comedian seriously? We all like to laugh but when you need advice, who are you going to call? Your free-spirited, impulsive, messy, funny friend or your deep, thoughtful, well-spoken one?

I guess this is a small scale version of what people call a mid-life crisis, except I'm not wanting to go out and buy a convertible (though if anyone wants to give me one, I'll take red). I think I'm feeling like I need a personality overhaul.

The problem with that is, I am pretty sure God did this to me on purpose. Or maybe better said, He made me like this on purpose. Not that I don't need to grow and change some things, but the core of who I am isn't one of them. So the greater challenge of the questions surrounding being almost 40 might be learning to like myself.

But for heaven's sake (literally) isn't it about time?

To Be or Not to Be...Still

"Be still, and know that I [am] God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10

We Christians know this verse really well, don't we? It's a great one. I love the encouragement that the entirety of Psalm 46 offers.

What I don't like, though, is when this particular verse is used as kind of a Bible study tip. You know, if you want to know God, you've got to be still. Stop moving. Sit down. Silence everything. Find a quiet chair. In a dimly lit room. At a little desk with a study lamp. Oh, and make sure it's really early in the morning. Before the first bird has chirped. There are mixed opinions on whether or not you can have your coffee during this time or if you should wait until later.

Don't get me wrong, because it sounds amazing, but that feels like a lot of pressure because, oh my gosh - when does that moment ever come for a mom with four kids?!?!

If you look at the context of Psalm 46 and look into the word, "still," and how it's used in other places in scripture, you'll see it's less about not moving and more about letting go. Sometimes it's a physical letting go, but obviously here it's a letting go of worry and anxiety, and trusting God. Though the earth shake, He will not be moved.

We Christians are great at taking things out of context and too literally. Be still. Stop moving. And then you'll know He is God.

David also rejoiced, in Psalm 23, that his cup was running over. When is the last time the waitress overfilled your tea glass and you were glad? How happy are you when one of the kids overfills his cup? You're probably having to bridle your words, not rejoicing. But if we want to be literal, then we should be happy, as it must be a sign that God is near. That's a stretch, obviously...I'm just making the point.

You may be wondering, "What on earth is your point?"

My point is that I believe we need to give ourselves a little freedom, as far as what seeking God or praying or quiet time or whatever you want to call it, looks like. Sometimes I feel I have the most clarity and connection when I'm mopping the floor. I often feel nearest to Him when I'm doing something creative. When I'm writing. When I make something with my own two hands. And I think it's because I'm doing something really close to what He created me to do. Sometimes moving is what stills my mind most. Kind of like a kid with ADHD.

We need to avoid judging each other for the ways we seek God (preaching to myself, here). Maybe we need to quit judging ourselves.

Some people thrive in a quiet room. They really need and love literally sitting still before the Lord.  Some need noise. Some dance (I don't and you're welcome). Brother Lawrence, a monk, experienced God's presence while washing dishes. Eric Liddell, the runner whose story is told in "Chariots of Fire," said, "I believe God made me for a purpose, but he also made me fast. And when I run I feel His pleasure." He never felt closer to God than while running. I don't understand that at all. I have never felt closer to death than while running.

But, give me a project, some wood, sandpaper, paint, a saw...and I am happy and content and I'm telling you, I sense His pleasure and hear His voice. I even think sometimes He gives me advice on whatever I'm working on. Seriously.

I'm not saying we shouldn't ever set aside time to read scripture and pray or fast or attempt those early morning times with Him. I do all that. Heaven knows the days are better when I begin that way. But I've had so many conversations through the years with friends who feel condemnation because they aren't "doing it right." Some phases in life make it challenging and when someone comes along with yet another man-made rule to follow, it isn't freeing, its heavy.

I think I'm saying just be who you are. Enjoy the way He made you and be aware of His presence when you do what you do. Part of what makes you holy, set apart, are all the little things He put inside of you. Incorporate Him into everything you do...into all of your moving. Not just those fleeting moments of stillness. I believe He delights in us using our gifts and talents, especially when we recognize His nearness in it. Recognize His craftsmanship inside of you.

For we are his workmanship, having been created in Christ Jesus for good works, that God prepared beforehand, so we may do them.

Ephesians 2:10

A Cup of Joy

  
This is a cup of Joy.

Joy tea, that is. It's a seasonal Tazo tea blend. On my morning trip to Target today, I decided to stop by Starbucks for a hot tea. Earl Gray is my usual choice, but the barista said she had eight teas to choose from today so I wanted to explore my options.

Not feeling especially joyful lately, my ears perked up when she said she had one called, "Joy."

In a symbolic gesture to embrace joy in my life I said, "I'll try the Joy." I thought, hey, maybe this is God's way of getting my attention, waving at me, so to speak, so I'll just go with it.

I got my tea, added a little honey and cream and set about shopping. After a couple of minutes I finally tasted it. And, for something with a name like Joy, it was not very...good. I did not like my Joy tea. (How many times can I say "joy" in this post??) It did not, in reality, make me feel good or happy.

So, I thought, nope, God was definitely not trying to get my attention with this because it's yucky.

But then this came to mind:

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

Consider it joy. Not feel (or taste) it joy. Consider. That word indicates a choice. It actually carries the idea of being in authority - leading. Take charge, choose, lead yourself into joy whenever you face many kinds of temptations and trials.

When circumstances tempt you and me to sin, or when trouble comes, we are to count it as joy because we know that the testing of our faith will strengthen us, making us complete and mature, lacking nothing. The joy is in what is set before us off in the distance, not in what's set in front of us right this minute.

Joy is a choice. It's a realization that I'm going somewhere. That life is an investment in eternity. That God will test my faith and allow me to grow and mature and become more like Him. It's dependent upon eyes that are fixed on the finish line, looking, though dimly and figuratively, into the eyes of Jesus.

Sometimes joy comes amid situations that are yucky - like my tea, only way worse. I have felt joy at the strangest times, in the saddest times, so I believe what James said is true.

Therefore...despite the fact that my tea was not yummy, I raised my cup and, by faith, said (to myself, of course - though I am known for talking to myself, but that's another post) essentially, "I hear you, God. I choose joy."

Bottoms up.

A Short Thought on Hope

I always love to have something to look forward to.

For instance, I can get through a rough day with the kids or a busy time if I know we have a vacation coming up soon or something fun to do. I look ahead to that and it strengthens me today. I really think that's the key to life, in general, for us who are believers in Christ. We will experience difficulties of many kinds, but if we remember there's a day coming, when trouble will be no more, then it can strengthen us now.

Jesus said to His disciples, "I want you to be with Me where I am going." That's a very tender thing to say. "I'm leaving you now, but I really want you to come be with me where I'm going." It's almost as if He is saying, "I'm really going to miss you, friends, and I cannot wait to see you again!"

Over the last couple of years, that's become a precious thing to me. It really hit me as I was able to relate what Jesus said to a situation where a friend, who knew she would go to heaven soon, had to say goodbye to her family. I cannot fathom that, but I know there would be an intensity in saying, "I want you to be with me. Make sure you get there!" When I was able to make that connect it nearly did me in. How precious.

And that's the imperfect love of a human. Imagine the love of God.

Anyway, the point is that if we can look past our troubles and difficulties to see where we are going, and to see that someone is waiting for us expectantly, I think it might help us regain perspective and most of all, hope.

Nothing here in this life can overtake us and nothing will keep us from finally arriving Home.

The Riches of His No (revisited)

This is actually is re-run from almost three years ago. I was reminded of it this morning and it spoke to me in a deeper way today than it did even when I wrote it. Sometimes He seems to give me what I need before I need it. I love that.

_______________________________________________

The kids and I were in the car the other day and we were listening to "Forever Reign," from Hillsong Live. There's a line that says, "the riches of your love will always be enough..." Riley asked me what "the riches of His no," was...she had heard it wrong. I was thinking about that this morning because the song was on again on my way to the grocery store, and something hit me...the riches of His "no." Have you ever thought about that? That there are riches, things to be gained and won, when He says, "No," or when He seems slow to move to answer prayer or rescue us from situations that are uncomfortable, stressful or painful?

Listen to this:

"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." Genesis 50

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1
My natural tendency when I am in distress is to ask to be rescued, "God make it go away!" But often, He says , "Not yet." When those not yets come, then what?"Consider it pure joy." Say what? According to these verses, there are some good things that come from suffering and trials...perseverence, wisdom, patience, maturity, character, and even hope, of all things. Hope in the midst of hardship? Absolutely. Our hope is not in circumstances changing, but in the One who has the power to change them...or not change them. When you shift your focus off of feeling better, and shift it toward God, toward bringing Him glory in all things, you gain an eternal perspective. And that's where hope is...in the joy set before us, ahead of us, and that can give us joy now.

We are not completed works. We are in process...we haven't become, but are becoming. In order to become something beautiful, something pure and spotless, without mixture...24K...we have to go through the fire - the Refiner's fire. Don't serve your circumstances, make them serve you. What the enemy means for harm, God intends for good. Stay in the process and plunder the situation for its riches - take everything out with you that you can.

Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. James 1:12

Cleaning Under the Rug

This is a follow up to my last post. I'm sure some of you disagreed with what I said. I'm okay with that. I'm processing through this and kind of thinking out loud here. So, feel free to comment.

I hope it's readily apparent that I am talking about the deeper hurts of life, not disagreements about paint color or someone cutting you off in traffic. Those things we should be able to let go quickly.

I'm talking about situations of abuse, neglect, abandonment, betrayal, adultery, etc. Most of us who are parents would never think of telling our children, "Hey, just get over it," when they come to us with a deep hurt, but I think sometimes we take the words of Jesus and use them that way. After all, He did say, "Forgive or you won't be forgiven." As parents we hug, hold them, let them cry, let them talk it out. Then, if we are wise, we will introduce Truth into the situation. I believe God, the Father, is much the same.

When people haven't felt free to express their hurt, and it is swept under the proverbial rug, it festers. It can become self-centeredness, bitterness, depression and/or chronic anger. If we want to be healthy people, if we want to live in the fullness of life Jesus offers us, we must deal with the stuff under the rug.

Right now I'm thinking of some more extreme examples. I've known several women through the years that became pregnant as teenagers. Parents quickly made the decision to take them to a clinic, with or without the agreement of the child, and "have it taken care of" quietly. Then it was never spoken of again. That's a heavy load to carry and to never be able to process it was very damaging. The same thing happens in situations of abuse. Because of deep shame it often goes unaddressed. That should not be. Obviously, not every situation is that extreme, but betrayal hurts on any level.

In thinking through this, I believe that admitting we feel betrayed, abandoned, cheated, neglected, ignored, unimportant, or the myriad of other possible emotions, opens the door for an exchange to happen. When we just say the things we have been stuffing (again, not to the offender - don't pick up the phone and unload on them) I think we make a way for God to take them from us, and replace them with the Truth - the Truth about us, the Truth about Him and even a new perspective of the one who hurt us.

I would categorize some of this under the admonition in the book of James to confess our sins one to another, that we may be healed. Bitterness and anger are our sinful responses to pain. We hurt ourselves and innocent people when we live with that in our hearts. In admitting to one another we feel these negative emotions we make a way to be healed. As I've said probably 500 times, there is power in confession.

The ultimate goal is not just to vent, but to receive Truth into our hearts and learn to trust God to take bad situations and turn them for our good. It's for us to be able to say, with Joseph, "What you meant for evil, God meant for good." He has the final word in our lives. Make the exchange.