Here! I brought you some worms!

Sometimes God speaks to us through the simplest things in life.

This afternoon we were sitting outside enjoying the beautiful weather. I was reading while Corban played with a neighbor and Christopher was digging in the dirt. Christopher ran over to me and said "Hee-yah! You can have these worms! Here's some water. Give them a drink if they look thirsty." A minute later, "I brought you another one!"

He was so excited to share his find with me. And I was happy to receive it. Worms aren't my favorite but they delight him and that makes his gift special, because he was sharing something he enjoys with me. His heart was open.

I think God feels the same way toward us. Some days I feel like all I have to give amounts to worms. But when that's all I have and I give it, it counts for something. When I share things that I'm excited about, that delight my heart, I think it delights His heart. When I do things I enjoy, when I laugh at ridiculous things, when I make silly videos that probably embarrass my family, I think He gets a kick out of it. I know it can be difficult to think of God in this way, but I've come to believe it's true.

Even as adults we should never lose our childlike innocence, the desire to share our happy moments, to believe He wants to listen. We're just overgrown children after all.

And He is our Daddy.

Questions in the Wilderness

"I feel like I'm headed into the wilderness."

That's what I said before we moved to Kansas City. And I think I was right. I feel that I've been in a wilderness of sorts for a long while now. There were some difficult things that happened before we moved and more awaited me after we moved. To boot I turned 39 and so that mid-life what-am-I-doing-that-matters stuff began to happen.

Bottom line: I've been having a little big identity crisis.

This morning Benji Nolot, of Exodus Cry, tweeted this:

"God has a wilderness for every person struggling with their identity."

Amen.

The thing I've discovered about the wilderness is that while it doesn't appear attractive and seems from the outside to be deserted, I have found that there is One here with me. I've encountered God more deeply here than I have anywhere else before. In my barrenness He fills me and He speaks to me. He provides an oasis just when I need it. He puts refreshing words in the mouths of others who don't know I need them. He has sent me a friend. He has even given me my own personal cheerleader, who follows me around all day saying, "You're the best mom ever. I love you forever."

It's not easy to live in a wilderness, but I wouldn't trade it. I will come out on the other side. His purposes will be served.

The two questions I hear asked of me in this place and the questions we must all answer are:

"Who do you say that I am?"  

Who do I say God is? Who is Jesus?

"Who are you?" 

Who does He say that I am? Who was I created to be? How does He want to express His life through me?

Answer these questions and I will be unshakeable. These are the questions in my wilderness. Maybe they are the questions in yours.

Who do you say that He is?

Who are you?

Speaking the truth in love. And otherwise.

Over the years I've learned a few things the hard way about speaking the truth. These are some rules (a term I use loosely) that would serve me well during those times I really feel something burning inside that wants to be said. I do not always follow the rules...but if I did I would save myself and others a tremendous amount of trouble and pain. I am using the second person tense for simplicity. By you I mean we/us/me.

1. Just because it's true doesn't mean it's your job to say it. Discernment from the Holy Spirit, and consideration for what your relationship is to the other person, is necessary. You are not the truth police. There are times a thing doesn't need to be said, but rather prayed over, because God is really good at bringing His kids to the place of understanding.

2. Just because it's true doesn't mean it needs to be said at all. Are you nagging? Is it your place? Is it helpful? Is it necessary? Is it really a big deal? Does it even matter?

3. When speaking the truth, it is helpful to focus on the main truth you want to share. Do not unload all the truth you know, or think you know, about a topic, or a person and his issues. Pick one or two. Too much is, well...too much.

4. Check your motive. Are you concerned for the other person or are you just frustrated? I think we can speak truths about things that frustrate us, but not while we are frustrated. T.I.M.I.N.G.

5. Speaking truth in a way that is destructive to another person, and blaming it on the Holy Spirit, isn't nice.

6. Be prepared to receive truth as well as dispense it. Otherwise, you lack integrity and may have no place sharing it in the first place. If you can't take it, don't dish it out.

7. Finally, be prepared to eat your words in the future, in the rare case that what you thought was true was, in fact, false. Because let's face it. Sometimes we get it wrong.

"When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise." Proverbs 10:19. 

I need that verse plastered all over my house.

You Can't Park There!!

I was at Trader Joe's earlier and right after I pulled into my parking space, I heard a shrill sounding voice, screaming. I looked up to see a woman yelling at me, "You can't park there! It's a handicapped spot! You can't park there!" 

I was totally caught off guard and rolled down my window to say, "Excuse me?" She repeated. So, I apologized and said I thought it was a 15 minute parking space. Said I would never intentionally take a handicapped spot. She didn't look like she believed me.

When I pulled out, it was confirmed: I was NOT in a handicapped spot, but rather a 15 minute space...the same one I almost always park in. I moved to a new space and another equally non-handicapped person took mine. It was so tempting to defend myself once I got inside the store. My boys were insistent that I "tell that lady." But I didn't.

I saw that she did have difficulty walking and thought about how it probably is really frustrating when she can't get a spot close to the door, because someone parked in the handicapped spaces out of convenience, not need. It probably happens a lot. I get it.

However, the lesson here is that our own issues and frustrations can skew reality. They cause us to react to things that aren't even real...we see through our own set of lenses, not realizing they are a little smudged. We see disrespect and violation where it isn't. Or we interpret things from our own perspective, not realizing there are other equally legitimate viewpoints. 

And on the flip side, perhaps we can give mercy to the over-reactors, realizing they have issues of their own...whether they know it or not. Most people mean well. Honestly, we are probably all the over-reactors at one time or another. We just need a clean pair of glasses with a side of understanding.

You Learn

This afternoon I was in the car and decided to listen to my iPod for the first time in ages. I was going to put it on shuffle and just see what popped up, but I saw that there was something by Alanis Morissette on there. I wondered what on earth it was and it turned out to be "You Learn." I listened to it and immediately was taken back to another time in my life.

You need to understand my thing with music. I'm not musical, exactly, but I love music and my entire life has a soundtrack. Every season has music associated with it, and when I hear the songs I remember exactly what was happening in my life, and what I was feeling, when it was popular.

Now don't hate because I am having a moment with Alanis...yes she was super angsty and angry, but whatever. The lyrics that jumped out at me were these:

"You live you learn

You love you learn

You cry you learn

You lose you learn

You bleed you learn

You scream you learn

You grieve you learn

You choke you learn

You laugh you learn

You choose you learn

You pray you learn

You ask you learn

You live you learn"

This song spoke to me at a time when I found myself in a life-altering circumstance. I had made some choices that were going to forever change my life. There was anxiety and uncertainty; I had confided in a friend who betrayed my confidence; I felt judging eyes on me constantly; I was the subject of much gossip; I felt lonely and abandoned most of the time.

In the midst of all of that I was driving down Eastdale Road South, in Montgomery, and this song was on the radio. Listening to the words, I felt like God came to me and assured me that everything was going to be okay, even though I had wandered pretty far away fom Him. Yes, through  an Alanis  Morissette song, of all things,, I received the peace and confidence I needed to keep walking forward.

"You live, you learn...you choose, you learn." So I didn't do things as I should have...let's move forward. Learn from it. Grow from it. "You're going to be okay." I really believed it.

Listening to it again today I realized how much it's true that just about everything of value that I have on the inside has come through difficulty. He has met me every time. Every single time. He has not failed me. He has corrected my course, when needed; He has healed my heart; He has provided; He has comforted.

I found myself totally in awe of how He does that. And totally thankful. I don't like difficulties and hard days, but when He takes something hard and makes it beautiful, I don't see it the same way anymore. I'm learning who He is and who I am, through every difficulty that comes along.

I've lived, I've chosen, I've grieved, I've laughed, I've cried, I've lost...and I've learned. I've learned that if I am following Him, then He takes messes and brings beauty. He takes mourning and turns it into dancing. He takes sadness and turns it into joy.

That's who He is. It's what He does.

Grace Propels

I don't think the concept of grace is one-dimensional, as it's often presented. It's not simply a state of eternal forgiveness and rightness with God that makes me feel good about myself. It's also has an element of internal empowerment.

Where the Law is a set of externally imposed rules, which our human nature and flesh cannot possibly fulfill, Grace is an internal drive and empowerment to love, which then fulfills the greatest Laws: Love God and love one another.

It's a result of the Spirit of God taking up residence in us and making us new. I think that's the heart of Romans 6:14:

"For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law (trying hard to follow the rules), but under (the empowerment of) grace." 

We no longer have to be ruled over by sin, because we now have this power within us (the Holy Spirit), which is a gift of grace. We can continue to try hard and do our best, on our own, but we will be paralyzed. We are not to focus on the do/don't list, but rather on Him. Then the other stuff will begin to work itself out.

So, while grace includes rightness with God, if we stop there, we may accidentally give ourselves permission to behave however we like...which is what Paul spoke against. "Should we sin more because of grace? May it never be!" Use grace to propel you to righteousness, not just to stamp you as righteous. Is this making sense? It's hard to put into words. I guess maybe I could say it this way:

Grace is what labels you as righteous and Grace is also what causes you to actually live out righteousness.

Yes?

What Will You Believe?

I've heard it said, and I believe it, that perception is everything. Perception may not be what's true, but I think it's what matters most when that proverbial stuff hits the fan in our lives. Attached to those situations is an invitation to answer the question:

What will you believe?

The ultimate questions we have to answer center around what we believe after something happens to us. Two people can experience the same event, and while one is traumatized for years the other may recover fairly quickly. Perception/belief can be the difference.

As I see it the three big questions we have to wrestle with are:

1. What do I believe about the situation? Do I see it rightly or are facts skewed by emotion or past events?

2. What do I believe about myself because of what happened? What we say about ourselves is probably more important than what others say.

3. What do I believe about God? This one is the most important, obviously.

We will all work through things differently based on how we answer these questions. For example, after a divorce; after the loss of a loved one; after a rejection; after a failure; after an abuse: what do you believe about God and what do you believe about yourself?

Where was He? What does He think? Is He angry with you? Is He willing to show mercy? Is He good?

Are you unlovable? Are you a failure? Are you not good enough? Was it your fault?

The other important factor is who we surround ourselves with. Without question, other trustworthy people are essential to getting through the hard things. Isolation will leave us stranded in the mire and so will negative people.

If we can find one or two people that can listen to our story, who love us, who are wise, we need to take advantage of that. Anything kept in the dark will fester and grow and rob us of joy and life. We need other people to speak truth to us: about who God is and about who we are.

Speaking from experience, there is great power and freedom in talking about the things we'd rather cover, hide or avoid. It's rarely as bad as you think it will be.

We will live "below our privilege," so to speak, if we believe the wrong things about God and ourselves. We can't live above what we believe in our minds.

Freedom is a daily choice. We have to take the steps and the risks, but it's so worth it.

So, what do you believe?

It's Not a Crutch

There are some days that, for whatever reason, I am reminded of my failures. My mommy failures, my wife failures and, very often, my friendship failures. There have just been times that I didn't show up and I wish I could go back and do it better. I'm sure the same thing happens to you. 

This can either be an opportunity to feel defeated or it can be an opportunity to be thankful that God is making me something better today than I was yesterday. Today, I'm choosing the latter. 

There are those who would call Christianity a crutch. And to that I'd say, no. That would imply that I even had a leg of my own to stand on. I say it's more like a wheelchair or even a stretcher, carrying me into the hospital. And I am so okay with that.

After all, that's what attracted Jesus to me in the first place. That's what makes Him pull up a chair at my table.

The things you like least about yourself do not cause Him to turn away, even if everyone else does. He is your safe place. 

When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?” On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”

A Mid-life Crisis Thingy

A couple of months ago I had this revelation. And I can't stop thinking about it. On March 6 of this year, I will turn 39. Which means I'm almost 40.

FORTY.

YEARS.

OLD.

How did this happen? I know I have some readers that are over 40, so I'm not saying 40 is old or anything. But it is........a milestone. Let's just say it that way. A milestone.

It's a milestone that is causing me some stress, not so much because of the number but because

What on earth am I doing with my life????

Will I ever grow up?

Am I too silly to be 40?

What should 40 look like?

Does that even matter?

Should I even care?

Do I have anything of value to offer the world?

When I "graduated" from elementary school I was predicted to become a comedian when I grew up. That was cute at the time, but as I've grown up I have both enjoyed and really struggled with that part of me. Who takes a comedian seriously? We all like to laugh but when you need advice, who are you going to call? Your free-spirited, impulsive, messy, funny friend or your deep, thoughtful, well-spoken one?

I guess this is a small scale version of what people call a mid-life crisis, except I'm not wanting to go out and buy a convertible (though if anyone wants to give me one, I'll take red). I think I'm feeling like I need a personality overhaul.

The problem with that is, I am pretty sure God did this to me on purpose. Or maybe better said, He made me like this on purpose. Not that I don't need to grow and change some things, but the core of who I am isn't one of them. So the greater challenge of the questions surrounding being almost 40 might be learning to like myself.

But for heaven's sake (literally) isn't it about time?

To Be or Not to Be...Still

"Be still, and know that I [am] God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10

We Christians know this verse really well, don't we? It's a great one. I love the encouragement that the entirety of Psalm 46 offers.

What I don't like, though, is when this particular verse is used as kind of a Bible study tip. You know, if you want to know God, you've got to be still. Stop moving. Sit down. Silence everything. Find a quiet chair. In a dimly lit room. At a little desk with a study lamp. Oh, and make sure it's really early in the morning. Before the first bird has chirped. There are mixed opinions on whether or not you can have your coffee during this time or if you should wait until later.

Don't get me wrong, because it sounds amazing, but that feels like a lot of pressure because, oh my gosh - when does that moment ever come for a mom with four kids?!?!

If you look at the context of Psalm 46 and look into the word, "still," and how it's used in other places in scripture, you'll see it's less about not moving and more about letting go. Sometimes it's a physical letting go, but obviously here it's a letting go of worry and anxiety, and trusting God. Though the earth shake, He will not be moved.

We Christians are great at taking things out of context and too literally. Be still. Stop moving. And then you'll know He is God.

David also rejoiced, in Psalm 23, that his cup was running over. When is the last time the waitress overfilled your tea glass and you were glad? How happy are you when one of the kids overfills his cup? You're probably having to bridle your words, not rejoicing. But if we want to be literal, then we should be happy, as it must be a sign that God is near. That's a stretch, obviously...I'm just making the point.

You may be wondering, "What on earth is your point?"

My point is that I believe we need to give ourselves a little freedom, as far as what seeking God or praying or quiet time or whatever you want to call it, looks like. Sometimes I feel I have the most clarity and connection when I'm mopping the floor. I often feel nearest to Him when I'm doing something creative. When I'm writing. When I make something with my own two hands. And I think it's because I'm doing something really close to what He created me to do. Sometimes moving is what stills my mind most. Kind of like a kid with ADHD.

We need to avoid judging each other for the ways we seek God (preaching to myself, here). Maybe we need to quit judging ourselves.

Some people thrive in a quiet room. They really need and love literally sitting still before the Lord.  Some need noise. Some dance (I don't and you're welcome). Brother Lawrence, a monk, experienced God's presence while washing dishes. Eric Liddell, the runner whose story is told in "Chariots of Fire," said, "I believe God made me for a purpose, but he also made me fast. And when I run I feel His pleasure." He never felt closer to God than while running. I don't understand that at all. I have never felt closer to death than while running.

But, give me a project, some wood, sandpaper, paint, a saw...and I am happy and content and I'm telling you, I sense His pleasure and hear His voice. I even think sometimes He gives me advice on whatever I'm working on. Seriously.

I'm not saying we shouldn't ever set aside time to read scripture and pray or fast or attempt those early morning times with Him. I do all that. Heaven knows the days are better when I begin that way. But I've had so many conversations through the years with friends who feel condemnation because they aren't "doing it right." Some phases in life make it challenging and when someone comes along with yet another man-made rule to follow, it isn't freeing, its heavy.

I think I'm saying just be who you are. Enjoy the way He made you and be aware of His presence when you do what you do. Part of what makes you holy, set apart, are all the little things He put inside of you. Incorporate Him into everything you do...into all of your moving. Not just those fleeting moments of stillness. I believe He delights in us using our gifts and talents, especially when we recognize His nearness in it. Recognize His craftsmanship inside of you.

For we are his workmanship, having been created in Christ Jesus for good works, that God prepared beforehand, so we may do them.

Ephesians 2:10

A Cup of Joy

  
This is a cup of Joy.

Joy tea, that is. It's a seasonal Tazo tea blend. On my morning trip to Target today, I decided to stop by Starbucks for a hot tea. Earl Gray is my usual choice, but the barista said she had eight teas to choose from today so I wanted to explore my options.

Not feeling especially joyful lately, my ears perked up when she said she had one called, "Joy."

In a symbolic gesture to embrace joy in my life I said, "I'll try the Joy." I thought, hey, maybe this is God's way of getting my attention, waving at me, so to speak, so I'll just go with it.

I got my tea, added a little honey and cream and set about shopping. After a couple of minutes I finally tasted it. And, for something with a name like Joy, it was not very...good. I did not like my Joy tea. (How many times can I say "joy" in this post??) It did not, in reality, make me feel good or happy.

So, I thought, nope, God was definitely not trying to get my attention with this because it's yucky.

But then this came to mind:

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

Consider it joy. Not feel (or taste) it joy. Consider. That word indicates a choice. It actually carries the idea of being in authority - leading. Take charge, choose, lead yourself into joy whenever you face many kinds of temptations and trials.

When circumstances tempt you and me to sin, or when trouble comes, we are to count it as joy because we know that the testing of our faith will strengthen us, making us complete and mature, lacking nothing. The joy is in what is set before us off in the distance, not in what's set in front of us right this minute.

Joy is a choice. It's a realization that I'm going somewhere. That life is an investment in eternity. That God will test my faith and allow me to grow and mature and become more like Him. It's dependent upon eyes that are fixed on the finish line, looking, though dimly and figuratively, into the eyes of Jesus.

Sometimes joy comes amid situations that are yucky - like my tea, only way worse. I have felt joy at the strangest times, in the saddest times, so I believe what James said is true.

Therefore...despite the fact that my tea was not yummy, I raised my cup and, by faith, said (to myself, of course - though I am known for talking to myself, but that's another post) essentially, "I hear you, God. I choose joy."

Bottoms up.

A Short Thought on Hope

I always love to have something to look forward to.

For instance, I can get through a rough day with the kids or a busy time if I know we have a vacation coming up soon or something fun to do. I look ahead to that and it strengthens me today. I really think that's the key to life, in general, for us who are believers in Christ. We will experience difficulties of many kinds, but if we remember there's a day coming, when trouble will be no more, then it can strengthen us now.

Jesus said to His disciples, "I want you to be with Me where I am going." That's a very tender thing to say. "I'm leaving you now, but I really want you to come be with me where I'm going." It's almost as if He is saying, "I'm really going to miss you, friends, and I cannot wait to see you again!"

Over the last couple of years, that's become a precious thing to me. It really hit me as I was able to relate what Jesus said to a situation where a friend, who knew she would go to heaven soon, had to say goodbye to her family. I cannot fathom that, but I know there would be an intensity in saying, "I want you to be with me. Make sure you get there!" When I was able to make that connect it nearly did me in. How precious.

And that's the imperfect love of a human. Imagine the love of God.

Anyway, the point is that if we can look past our troubles and difficulties to see where we are going, and to see that someone is waiting for us expectantly, I think it might help us regain perspective and most of all, hope.

Nothing here in this life can overtake us and nothing will keep us from finally arriving Home.

The Riches of His No (revisited)

This is actually is re-run from almost three years ago. I was reminded of it this morning and it spoke to me in a deeper way today than it did even when I wrote it. Sometimes He seems to give me what I need before I need it. I love that.

_______________________________________________

The kids and I were in the car the other day and we were listening to "Forever Reign," from Hillsong Live. There's a line that says, "the riches of your love will always be enough..." Riley asked me what "the riches of His no," was...she had heard it wrong. I was thinking about that this morning because the song was on again on my way to the grocery store, and something hit me...the riches of His "no." Have you ever thought about that? That there are riches, things to be gained and won, when He says, "No," or when He seems slow to move to answer prayer or rescue us from situations that are uncomfortable, stressful or painful?

Listen to this:

"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." Genesis 50

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1
My natural tendency when I am in distress is to ask to be rescued, "God make it go away!" But often, He says , "Not yet." When those not yets come, then what?"Consider it pure joy." Say what? According to these verses, there are some good things that come from suffering and trials...perseverence, wisdom, patience, maturity, character, and even hope, of all things. Hope in the midst of hardship? Absolutely. Our hope is not in circumstances changing, but in the One who has the power to change them...or not change them. When you shift your focus off of feeling better, and shift it toward God, toward bringing Him glory in all things, you gain an eternal perspective. And that's where hope is...in the joy set before us, ahead of us, and that can give us joy now.

We are not completed works. We are in process...we haven't become, but are becoming. In order to become something beautiful, something pure and spotless, without mixture...24K...we have to go through the fire - the Refiner's fire. Don't serve your circumstances, make them serve you. What the enemy means for harm, God intends for good. Stay in the process and plunder the situation for its riches - take everything out with you that you can.

Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. James 1:12

Cleaning Under the Rug

This is a follow up to my last post. I'm sure some of you disagreed with what I said. I'm okay with that. I'm processing through this and kind of thinking out loud here. So, feel free to comment.

I hope it's readily apparent that I am talking about the deeper hurts of life, not disagreements about paint color or someone cutting you off in traffic. Those things we should be able to let go quickly.

I'm talking about situations of abuse, neglect, abandonment, betrayal, adultery, etc. Most of us who are parents would never think of telling our children, "Hey, just get over it," when they come to us with a deep hurt, but I think sometimes we take the words of Jesus and use them that way. After all, He did say, "Forgive or you won't be forgiven." As parents we hug, hold them, let them cry, let them talk it out. Then, if we are wise, we will introduce Truth into the situation. I believe God, the Father, is much the same.

When people haven't felt free to express their hurt, and it is swept under the proverbial rug, it festers. It can become self-centeredness, bitterness, depression and/or chronic anger. If we want to be healthy people, if we want to live in the fullness of life Jesus offers us, we must deal with the stuff under the rug.

Right now I'm thinking of some more extreme examples. I've known several women through the years that became pregnant as teenagers. Parents quickly made the decision to take them to a clinic, with or without the agreement of the child, and "have it taken care of" quietly. Then it was never spoken of again. That's a heavy load to carry and to never be able to process it was very damaging. The same thing happens in situations of abuse. Because of deep shame it often goes unaddressed. That should not be. Obviously, not every situation is that extreme, but betrayal hurts on any level.

In thinking through this, I believe that admitting we feel betrayed, abandoned, cheated, neglected, ignored, unimportant, or the myriad of other possible emotions, opens the door for an exchange to happen. When we just say the things we have been stuffing (again, not to the offender - don't pick up the phone and unload on them) I think we make a way for God to take them from us, and replace them with the Truth - the Truth about us, the Truth about Him and even a new perspective of the one who hurt us.

I would categorize some of this under the admonition in the book of James to confess our sins one to another, that we may be healed. Bitterness and anger are our sinful responses to pain. We hurt ourselves and innocent people when we live with that in our hearts. In admitting to one another we feel these negative emotions we make a way to be healed. As I've said probably 500 times, there is power in confession.

The ultimate goal is not just to vent, but to receive Truth into our hearts and learn to trust God to take bad situations and turn them for our good. It's for us to be able to say, with Joseph, "What you meant for evil, God meant for good." He has the final word in our lives. Make the exchange.

When Your Rug Is Lumpy

I just listened to Sunday's teaching from Bethel. Danny Silk was teaching and toward the end he turned the platform over to another man whose name I don't know...so I can't give him credit. This is partly a summary of what he said and partly my thoughts about what he said. I thought he made some really good points, worth sharing. To the very black and white thinker, this may sound unbiblical, because we deal only in either/or. You either forgive or you don't. But think about it. {I actually said a lot more than this originally, but for some reason when I hit publish this is the only part that was saved. So, maybe this is all that needed saying.}

____________________________________________________________________

Have you ever forgiven someone for an offense and then days, months or years later, the feelings of hurt or anger return? We think, "I know I forgave that person, so why do the feelings keep coming up?"

Forgiveness that doesn't seem to last (and I say seem to, because forgiveness is an act of the will first, not a feeling. The presence of emotion doesn't equal unforgiveness) is often because you haven't fully processed your hurt and secured your identity in God...you don't believe that He can give back what was stolen from you. The following addresses the first part of that statement.

As Christians we often feel like we need to act super holy and, therefore, can't say what we really feel. But those feelings and thoughts are real and they're really in you. And God knows all of that is in there, anyway. If we aren't free to express and work through our feelings of pain, and even anger, then they will fester and turn to bitterness. Eventually hurt turns to anger because anger is less vulnerable. It feels more powerful. If it goes on long enough I think many of us become adept at bypassing hurt feelings altogether, and go straight to the anger response.

But, think about the things David said throughout the Psalms - the ills he wished on his enemies. We know him to be a man of honor, in that he didn't kill King Saul when he had the chance, though Saul was intent on killing David. Perhaps it was because David had already vented his anger, fear and hurt to God, that he was then able to walk in righteousness toward his enemy.

I think it was Kris Vallotton that gave the example that if someone runs over your foot with a car and you forgive them, the pain in your foot doesn't go away. It's the same way with pain in our soul.

I've known people that experienced very painful things and were NEVER allowed to speak of them. Families chose to behave as if nothing had ever happened. What do you imagine that does to a person's heart and identity? 

I think if we could give each other grace to say things that may not sound very "Christian," just long enough to get it out of our systems, then we could possibly find wholeness and restoration could come much quicker. Even if the broken relationship itself is never restored, we are free in our souls. These things don't need to be said to the offender, but to God, for sure, and possibly to a trusted friend or professional counselor.

We are still living this spirit-led life in our humanity. I believe that God is pleased with us when we choose to forgive, despite our feelings, and then continue to move in the direction of healing and wholeness and Christ-likeness. 

Sweeping things under the rug only leads to a lumpy rug. That stuff doesn't just go away.

I Will Help You

A couple of weeks ago, the kids and I were at home one evening and I had a lot to get done. It had been a busy few days - I needed to be out of the house a lot and so it looked like a bomb had gone off. In addition there was homework to be done, spelling words to practice, reading, dinner, etc. Christopher was going through a wake-up-at-5am phase so he was nearly fried by the end of the day. He was whining and all he wanted was for me to come sit by him.

I told the kids I had a lot to get done and couldn't sit down just yet. There were attitudes, the whining elevated, my nerves were shot and I was really overwhelmed. Dave was working late and Caeley was gone, so I had no backup. I repeated that I could not sit down because I had TOO MUCH TO DO!!

Then I heard the sweetest words anyone has spoken to me in a long time:

"I will help you."

It was my 5 year old. My child saw my plight and, not looking for anything in return, he offered help, in the sweetest voice I've ever heard. I put him to work picking up stray items of clothing and he gladly took them upstairs to the laundry room, separating them by color.

I've thought about it for two weeks because it touched me so deeply. I didn't realize how deep my need was to hear those words.

Sometimes when we are struggling and overwhelmed all we need and want is a simple offer of help. No analysis, no helpful pointers, no book recommendations, no correction, no keeping score of how many times this has happened...just an offer to get in the mess and help clean it up.

"I see you're struggling. I will help you," goes a long way.

It reminds me of the offer Jesus made:

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. (Matthew 11:28-30)

He says don't be burdened by the rules and expectations laid upon your shoulders. Stay close to me, ask me, and I will teach you how to live this life in a way that actually feels restful to your soul. There is rest available in all of the chaos of everyday life.

"I will help you."

I think I heard Jesus in my 5 year old.

You Did It For Me

There's a verse in the Psalms that says God is enthroned on, or inhabits, the praises of Israel. If you've ever experienced a tangible sense of God's presence and nearness in worship through singing and music, you know this to be true.

Having said that I think it would be wrong to assume that's the only way to know the presence of God, to see Christ. It seems that one verse has been used to exalt music as the way to be in the presence of God, in many parts of the church. However, there are other ways (I'm only focusing on one today). What we have come to call worship, both corporately and in solitude, is a relatively easy and comfortable way, but over the last couple of years I have come to believe that there's another highly underestimated way to encounter Him and He pretty much spelled it out:

“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ 

“Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ (Matthew 25:34-40 NIV)

I'm usually not one to over-spiritualize things, and we could say this is just His way to make the point that we get credit for meeting needs as if we did it for Him...that He takes it personally when we do or don't. But I really believe there's more to it. 

We believe in an overcoming, resurrected and powerful savior. Absolutely. But He is also the suffering servant. He is familiar with pain - He identifies with it, submitted Himself to it and we never see Him turn away from it, the way we are so prone to do. 

He touched lepers. He looked into their faces.

He went near the wild, unpredictable demon-possessed men kept in chains.

He looked past the sin of the prostitute just long enough to see her heart.

He was found eating with the outcast. 

He wasn't afraid of the sick and afflicted. 

Oh, and He allowed Himself to be mocked, spit upon, stripped, beaten and hung on a cross. All in public view.

I'm just saying maybe we should guard against hiding ourselves away from "the World" and staying in our buildings trying to find God. If you are a follower of Christ, then you are His dwelling place. He doesn't make His home in a building made of stone any longer. He is with you wherever you go. I'm not saying we shouldn't meet together as the Church to worship and encourage one another, but we shouldn't limit our experience to that alone. While the sense of His presence does become more tangible to us, God doesn't only inhabit worship through song and prayer.

What if we can also encounter him when we look into the eyes of 

...The fatherless

...The orphan

...The widow

...The sick

...The handicapped

...The homeless

...The mentally afflicted

...The addicted

...The hungry and thirsty

...The foreigner

...The lonely

...The elderly

I have so many thoughts swirling in my mind about this that I cannot possibly squeeze into this one post. The main question I have right this minute is this:

What if, in some mysterious way, when we take the time to look into the eyes of these people, to serve them, to care about them, we are looking into the eyes of Christ? What if this is a really underestimated, but powerful, form of worship?

"Lord, when did we see YOU hungry and feed YOU, or thirsty and give YOU something to drink? When did we see YOU a stranger and invite YOU in, or needing clothes and clothe YOU? When did we see YOU sick or in prison and go to visit YOU?’ “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for ME."

P31 in a Nutshell

A short observation of the "Proverbs 31 Woman":

1. Solomon had A LOT of wives, so I wonder if Proverbs 31 is simply a collage of qualities he has seen in all these women. And maybe even his mother.

2. She is wealthy and she seems to have a lot of freedom. She is buying land and isn't getting approval from anyone...she's not chatting about it with her husband. That would not fly in most households. 

3. She has servants. You can probably get a whole lot done when you've got live-in servants to do all manner of household duties, like cooking and babysitting. This is a big deal to note.

4. She is a shopper :) She is buying food from afar, a field, and expensive fabrics. She dresses her children and herself in only the very best. 

There are many other qualities listed that are admirable. She is a seamstress, she works hard, she sells her products to merchants, she helps the poor, she obviously loves her family and is a positive reflection on her husband. The reason I pulled out those three qualities (her money, her freedom and the way she dresses her family in only the best) is that it proves the point that not every woman can be her. Nor should any of us feel that way.

Proverbs 31 isn't prescriptive. It's not a rule book telling us we have to get up before daylight and go to bed late, sew all our own clothes and bedding, run a home business and be a knowledgeable teacher, in order to be a woman of value. It's a man honoring women and their hard work, to provide and care for their families. We will all do that in different ways and according to our means, abilities, strengths and personalities.

The one thing we can all be, though, is found here:

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. (Proverbs 31:30, 31 NIV)

If I can get that one down and, yet, never figure out what on earth to do with that pile of paper that's always on the corner of the kitchen counter, then I will be successful. If I am so busy caring for my family that I forget to go over spelling words two nights in a row before the test, but I fear the Lord, we will be okay. 

So, Fear the Lord and don't do nothing. That's Proverbs 31 in a nutshell.

Precious In the Sight of The Lord

Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his faithful servants. 

(Psalm 116:15 NIV)

It was on this day, one year ago, that I got in the car to drive to Birmingham with Lori and her family. I had driven to Birmingham with Lori many times before to visit Summer while she was receiving treatments and then while she was in the hospital the last couple of months. 

This trip had a very different feel. No laughing or stopping for Doritos Locos tacos or Fruit and Maple oatmeal. 

This time we knew we were going to say goodbye. It was time for our sister, our friend, to go Home to her Daddy. I personally had never been in a situation like that and haven't really lost anyone I was very close to and lived life with. I had no idea what to expect, what to say or how I would react.

(I'm writing this in a public coffee shop. I find I'm having to stop after every sentence to look around and distract myself so I don't burst into tears)

When we got there, Summer was not awake, so I didn't get to speak to her directly. Though I wish I could have said goodbye, I trust that I said everything I needed to say in the months and weeks prior. Honestly that moment wasn't about me at all. She didn't have a need to hear from me. It was I who felt the need to make sure she knew certain things and that I loved her. 

Anyway, the next day and a half is a time I will treasure for the rest of my life. I can't fully grasp the mind of the Lord, but I feel like I tasted what it means for the death of His faithful servants to be precious.

Now, hold on...I'm not saying the fact that she left this world too soon was precious. No. That? Well...it sucks. Big time. 

What I mean is that I count that time spent as the highest privilege (outside of raising my own children) I've ever had. To have been able to sit and hold her hand, to sing (I'm sorry, Summer - I'm not a good singer), to pray, to be silent and just be present is so precious to me. I had made a promise to stay with her to the end of her journey. Whether the journey ended in physical healing or in her homegoing. It was mostly a statement of friendship and loyalty, but I was literally able to be there to the end. 

Charles Spurgeon said this about Psalm 116:15:

"The Lord watches over their dying beds, smooths their pillows, sustains their hearts, and receives their souls. Those who are redeemed with precious blood are so dear to God that even their deaths are precious to him." 

What a sweet image of a loving God, a loving Father, caring for His child. It's what I saw taking place in the room, literally, in people caring for her and wanting to be sure she was comfortable. Sheets were smoothed, pillows adjusted and feet rubbed. And it's what I felt in the peaceful and sweet atmosphere.

(I have now vacated the coffee shop to retreat to the safety of my car)

Y'all, I don't know how to explain the mixture of sadness and joy. It's a paradox. It's indescribable but I felt it. Those hours are so special to me that I almost don't want to let you into them. It's not like I was the only person there...there were many people present. But it's a sacred thing that Jeremy and her family let me into. I am deeply grateful to them for it. I want to protect it somehow. Is that weird? Probably.

When she finally left this world there was a flood of emotion and surprisingly much of it was joy. The grief came, believe me, and it hit like a brick wall. But right then it was a precious thing to know her incredible suffering had ended and she had safely arrived home, into the presence of a loving God.

She crossed the finish line.

And I was there. It's probably the closest I have ever felt to the Lord. You see, this isn't the kind of precious we use to talk about a little girl in a cute outfit. It's the kind that stands at attention, that holds its breath, that's fixated on someone so valued and so special and handles her with great care. It's not the death that's precious. It's the saint.

The last year has been a roller coaster of emotion and memory, but I hold to the thought of her with Him, interceding for us, even now, just like she did in life. 

And she is whole. And that is, indeed, precious.

Overcome

This morning before I drove Caeley to school, I got out my iPad to select a playlist for the drive and decided to choose one called, "Summer." It's a list of songs I used to listen to as I prayed for Summer Kempfer...songs that encouraged my heart and reminded me of God's faithfulness. It's not a list I have selected very often over the last year.

As I listened and thought back about last year I was overcome with the truth that despite what happened, Summer was a warrior. I remembered a day near the end that Lori, Rhiannon and I sat beside her bed praying and reading scripture to her. That particular day my heart was on fire with the truth that even though her body was weak and failing, that she was, in truth, strong - stronger than she had ever been - on the inside. I wanted so badly to communicate that to her and to let her know how proud of her I was.

I couldn't remember what passage of scripture I read to her, but then I remembered that Lori made a Caring Bridge entry that night. Something told me that when I looked back I would see that it was this same day last year. And indeed it was. On October 18, 2012, Lori shared that we had just visited with Summer and she named the passage of scripture I had read (thanks, Lori :).

I'm really awkward with words and I didn't know if she could really comprehend what I was saying, but I read Psalm 18:30-36:

 As for God, His way is blameless; The word of the Lord is tried; He is a shield to all who take refuge in Him. For who is God, but the Lord ? And who is a rock, except our God, The God who girds me with strength And makes my way blameless? He makes my feet like hinds' feet, And sets me upon my high places. He trains my hands for battle, So that my arms can bend a bow of bronze. You have also given me the shield of Your salvation, And Your right hand upholds me; And Your gentleness makes me great. You enlarge my steps under me, And my feet have not slipped. (Psalms 18:30-36 NASB)

My feet have not slipped. I love that.

On the same day, one year later, my heart again was burning with the same message. It's really the message that has been written on my heart from walking through that entire experience. Though I walked it at a distance, as compared to Summer, and to the ones who were there day in and day out, I walked it in my own way, nonetheless. And the word that continues to echo in my heart is OVERCOME.

We hear the words, "spiritual warfare," a lot in church circles, or some of us do, anyway, and I'm not sure a lot of people even understand what that means. Understand something. Spiritual warfare is not simply trying to pray evil away and change our negative circumstances.

It is mostly about standing our ground. It's about standing firm in the day of evil, as Paul says in Ephesians 6. It's about shoring ourselves up for the evil, for the bad, sad, uncomfortable, circumstances that will inevitably come. It's about maintaining our testimony that God is real and He is good, no matter what. It's about never turning back. When you're going upstream and the current seeks to sweep you away, it's about having a stronghold that keeps your feet in place and holds you upright. It's about keeping our minds on things above and on things that are true, when arguments and thoughts that exalt themselves against the knowledge of God come. It's about knowing who we are in Christ, who God says we are in the face of persecution, accusations or misunderstandings.

This is a beautiful picture of Summer, from October 17, 2012, where we see her lifting her weak arms to worship her God. The song playing was "Place of Freedom":



Photo used with permission

There's a calm that covers me

When I kneel down at your feet

It's a place of healing

It's a place where I find freedom

There's a place my eyes can't see

Where my spirit longs to beIt's a place of healing

It's a place I live in freedom

I'm gonna lift my hands

til I can reach heaven

I'm gonna shout your name

til the walls come falling down,

I've come to worship, I've come to worship

This is the heart of the Summer I knew. I have absolutely been marked by this and I continue to be reminded when I find myself in difficult situations, that I am an overcomer, too.

And what I really wanted to share with you today, what's set me on fire this morning, is that in Christ, YOU are an overcomer. If you want to be. It's in you. Do you know that?

To the one going through cancer treatments, stand firm! Overcome! You can do it!

To the one facing major surgery, stand firm! Overcome! You can do it!

To the one in financial distress and uncertainty, stand firm! Overcome! You can do it!

To the one with a troubled marriage, stand firm! Overcome! You can do it!

To the lonely ones, stand firm! Overcome! You can do it!

We have a "great cloud of witnesses" who have gone before us, showing us what it looks like. We can do this y'all.

Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? Just as it is written, "For Your sake we are being put to death all day long; We were considered as sheep to be slaughtered." But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:35-39 NASB)

NOTHING CAN SEPARATE YOU. YOU WIN.